On Ten Years of Marriage

Ten year of marriage and four children is a whirlwind. We are still so young in our marriage, but I cannot help but reflect and document my four biggest takeaways from marriage.

  1. Marriage is my vocation and the way God has called me to get to heaven. Marriage is not just a contract. It’s not just hanging out with my best friend. It is the route that God has called us both to live our lives to make our way toward Heaven. This changes everything. My goal is to get my husband and my kids to heaven and it’s his job to lead us all there.  In the words of Scott Hahn, (paraphrasing) ‘your spouse is God’s hand chiseling you into the person you were meant to be.’
  2. If I’m leaving parts of me or parts of my life out of the relationship, then I’m missing out on the refining process, the chiseling, and our marriage is not as good as it could be. In the beginning of our marriage, money was tight. I hated talking about money, and our bank account, our spending because it was stressful. Finally one day, literally by the grace of God, I had a reality check. I had to get my ego out of it and talk about ALL of it because it was important. From that moment, money conversations were so much better. Not easier but better. We talked about things together and worked through difficult times and good times. Thank God, he allowed me to see my pride, so we could work together on some of life’s most challenging and stressful moments. I still have lots to allow to be chiseled away at.
  3. Going to bed angry is a great strategy. I’m tired, you’re tired. Walking away and going to bed and discussing it in the morning is a great idea some times.
  4. Children are amazing. Each one has been such an amazing gift and revelation to our marriage. I’m so glad we have decided to follow our “gut” (God’s calling) feeling that we wanted to have more. Each of our four girls is just such an amazing gift that we will get to continually unpack the rest of our lives as they grow and change. I’m confident that incredibly tough years are ahead in childrearing, but I know that this is part of my vocation as a wife and mother, and those challenges with children will continually chisel me into the one he has created me to be if I will just allow Him to do it through them.

There’s so much more than this, and we still have so much life to live and learn together. I pray that the Lord keep sending us his grace to chisel away at our rough edges and pride and allow our marriage to refine us so we might enter into Heaven one day.

What are your biggest revelations in your marriage?